Archive for March, 2009

ALL IS WRIGHT WITH TEAM USA AS THEY ADVANCE IN TOURNAMENT NOBODY CARES ABOUT

March 18, 2009
Take that Puerto Rico!

Take that Puerto Rico!

There’s allegedly some kind of tournament happening right now where, get this, countries are competing against each other with baseball teams?

Our confusion can be excused considering this “World Baseball Classic” has nothing to do with the Olympics and was randomly created in 2006.  The WBC is as ingrained in our global society as other great tournaments like Slamball,  Battle Bots, and the XFL.

Unfortunately, Met’s third baseman David Wright is not in on the joke.  Wright helped the US oust Puerto Rico last night with a 9th inning single that drove in two runs.  Wright’s heroics were not lost on himself, when he called it the “biggest hit of my career.”

Wright is known for making other absurd statements throughout his life, like the time he called Clocks by Coldplay the “best song of the 21st century” even though the song was released in 2002 and Wright also referred to Independance Day as the “best fucking movie I’ll ever see” when he was 13.

Wright also called an Arby’s roast beef sandwich he had for lunch the “best food any human has ever eaten” yesterday.

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SIXERS COOL OFF HEAT BY SCORING MORE POINTS

March 16, 2009
Samuel Dalembert should still never, under any circumstances shoot a 3

Samuel Dalembert should still never, under any circumstances shoot a 3

Last night, the Sixers defeated the Miami Heat 85-77.  Andre Iguodala led the team with 21 points and someone allegedly named “Donyell Marshall” contributed off the bench.  No word yet on who this “Donyell” is (surely he’s not the 35 year old outside shooter Ed Stefanski signed in the offseason) but he wore a jersey with the #8 stitched on and made a few wacky shots, allegedly referred to as “3-pointers.”

Marshall shot 60% from beyond the “three point line”.  Readers, if you’re confused like I am, a three point field goal is worth exactly what the name suggests, three points.  Like the ibex, a successful three point shot can rarely be found in Philadelphia (at least since the departure of Korver last year).

The red hot Sixers are riding a 3 game winning streak which will most likely end when they play the Lakers tomorrow in LA and they can settle back to right around the .500 mark, which fits them like a comfortable pair of sweat pants with a hole in the crotch.

Eagles Draft Fever

March 14, 2009

reid-butt

Like many Eagles fans, I too get caught up in all of the pre-draft hoopla.  I enjoy looking at mock drafts on the internet, always hoping for some pearl of knowledge or inside scoop that i didn’t know before.  But ladies and gentlemen, when looking at past Eagles draft day strategy two questions come to mind.  Why do we get excited and why will this year be any different?

The Eagles front office has left me damaged this offseason so far like most other diehard fans yet we continue to get excited for offseason aquisitions and player movement.  Reid and company’s draft day track record has been deplorable.  Yes, they will always hold onto the fact that they chose McNabb over Ricky Williams, and the 2002 draft where they drafted Westbrook, Lito, Sheldon, and the dubious Michael Lewis.  Hell, they’ll even pull the 5th-round coup of Trent Cole in 2004 into discussion.  While even i can’t argue those successes, they pale in comparison with the overwhelming majority of decisions that have been made.  I think Reid and Company’s draft history can be best summed up by trading away their first round pick the last two years and the infamous 2004 draft:

Rd 1- Mike Patterson, Rd 2- Reggie Brown and Matt McCoy, Rd 3- Ryan Moats, Rd 4- Sean Considine

So, given the less than stellar history of Reid and Company’s draft day reputation, what will they do this year? I believe they will trade both of their first round picks to move up in the draft to pick a Left Tackle.  You will hear alot of speculation going forward that Jason Peters, LT for the Bills, may be a player on the Birds radar.  Well, he wants to be the highest paid LT in football, and even though he may actually be one of the best LT in football, i am nearly certain the Eagles wouldn’t trade away a high pick and have to give him big money in a new contract.  That is just not the Eagles way.  In addition, since they currently don’t have a starting-caliber LT on the roster, i expect they will have no leverage in trading up and ultimately get taken for more than they needed to out of their own self-created desparation.  As a result, we will all be disappointed in the first round of the draft and come out with only a LT.

It will be the same scenario for the second round.  Since they have no depth at RB behind Westbrook, most teams will know exactly what they are looking for.  While they have interest in Donald Brown, RB from UConn, i could see another team that covets him trading up to the spot ahead of the Birds to get him.  It will force the braintrust of Reid and Banner to go to plan B, which to me is probably what happens to them on most  draft days.  As we all know, Plan B is a scary proposition and the Eagles love to screw up 2nd round picks.  With the exception of Lito, Sheldon, and DeSean Jackson, can you name me one 2nd round pick that has made any sort of an impact on the Eagles in the last 10 years?  I can’t either, so don’t worry.  By the way, 3 impact players out of 12 second round picks isn’t the “gold standard.”  Anyway, Reid and Company will be forced to scramble with their second round pick.  They need a strong draft this year, but i’m just not confident based on their track record that this occur.  They would be better off trading some picks away for established veterans, like Peters and Boldin.  However, they cherish their draft picks, especially 2nd through 7th rounders, because their salaries are cheaper than established veterans. 

Even though this off season has started out so poorly, i am willing to wait until after the draft to grade it and to make up my mind about whether to continue with my season tickets.  The Eagles have plenty of money under the salary cap to spend and need to make a big move to win back some of the court of public opinion.  If they don’t, this could potentially be a abysmal year at the Linc and in the homes of all Eagles fans.  I am left with one large looming question:  What am i going to do on Sundays during football season this year?

EAGLES’ FRONT OFFICE DISREGARDS HUMAN BEINGS, THIS IS NOT NEWS

March 9, 2009
Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place.  Need to start over!

Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place. Need to start over, this is a lot of pennies!

Though seemingly unconcerned, the Eagles organization has had its share of bad publicity over the past few weeks.  By letting fan favorite Brian Dawkins become a Bronco, the front office faced a deluge of animosity.  The anger hasn’t quite subsided but  the team made an effort to address their loss with the signing of Sean Jones.  However, ” gonzo journalist” John Gonzalez dropped another bombshell this morning when his story about a handicapped former stadium employee hit the presses.

Long story short: Dan Leone worked at the Linc, wasn’t happy with the Dawkins deal and posted “Dan is [expletive] devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver. . .Dam Eagles R Retarted!!” on facebook, management saw it and fired him.  Though you can argue the legitimacy behind Dan Leone’s (who suffers from a neurological disorder) termination, it was just another chapter in the Eagles’ “We don’t care how bad this makes us look” attitude.  The argument can be made that an employee should know better than to badmouth their employer in a public forum, the argument can also be made that a professional football team should have higher priorities than scanning a low level employee’s facebook pages.

We recovered an internal memo from the Eagles’ PR team and found these other shocking decisions:

-The Eagles first home game will be a “Salary Cap Celebration” and children under 14 will receive 40 complimentary bottle caps, representing the millions of dollars the Eagles have remained under the cap.

-The Eagles will actually burn an effigy of Brian Dawkins on the 50 yard line right before the Eagles play the Broncos.

-The Eagles are currently removing any handicap access to any of their facilities to cut costs, though it may be argued that removing already built ramps and elevators would cost more money.

-The final home game will culminate the season in an event called “Fuck The Fans”, where there will be no tailgating or parking within 10 miles of the stadium.  Fans will also be forced to buy a $300 set of commemorative plates with Joe Banner’s face on them to gain entry to the stadium.

OKC STEALS SIXERS’ WINNING THUNDER

March 9, 2009
How did I get a foul called on me during a timeout?

How did I get a foul called on me during halftime?

Last night, the Sixers went from frustratingly mediocre to embarrassing in an 89-74 loss in Oklahoma City.  Shooting 40% from the field and 60% from the free throw line is how you play basketball when you want to lose to the Oklahoma City Thunder.  Superstar Andre Iguodala shot below 33% and Mr. Useful Sammy Dalembert poured in 0 points.

It was nice to read that instead of attempting to develop any post moves, Dalembert actually likes to shoot threes! Dalembert might as well begin blocking his teammates’ shots and see if he’ll be awarded negative points in the box score.

Did I mention the Thunder were playing without Kevin Durant?  DiLeo’s Sixers had no answer for Russian bloc country Nenad Krstic (who scored 20) and the corpse of Malik Rose, who I swore was either on Comcast or TNT at this point.

But there’s always a silver lining.  While reading ESPN’s Game Notes, I stumbled upon this good news:

jim-caviezel1

Jim Caviezel, Hollywood’s next big thing in the late ’90s went on to star in the controversial Passion of the Christ and be the most remarkable thing about a night that was an insult to the sport of basketball.