EAGLES’ FRONT OFFICE DISREGARDS HUMAN BEINGS, THIS IS NOT NEWS

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Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place.  Need to start over!

Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place. Need to start over, this is a lot of pennies!

Though seemingly unconcerned, the Eagles organization has had its share of bad publicity over the past few weeks.  By letting fan favorite Brian Dawkins become a Bronco, the front office faced a deluge of animosity.  The anger hasn’t quite subsided but  the team made an effort to address their loss with the signing of Sean Jones.  However, ” gonzo journalist” John Gonzalez dropped another bombshell this morning when his story about a handicapped former stadium employee hit the presses.

Long story short: Dan Leone worked at the Linc, wasn’t happy with the Dawkins deal and posted “Dan is [expletive] devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver. . .Dam Eagles R Retarted!!” on facebook, management saw it and fired him.  Though you can argue the legitimacy behind Dan Leone’s (who suffers from a neurological disorder) termination, it was just another chapter in the Eagles’ “We don’t care how bad this makes us look” attitude.  The argument can be made that an employee should know better than to badmouth their employer in a public forum, the argument can also be made that a professional football team should have higher priorities than scanning a low level employee’s facebook pages.

We recovered an internal memo from the Eagles’ PR team and found these other shocking decisions:

-The Eagles first home game will be a “Salary Cap Celebration” and children under 14 will receive 40 complimentary bottle caps, representing the millions of dollars the Eagles have remained under the cap.

-The Eagles will actually burn an effigy of Brian Dawkins on the 50 yard line right before the Eagles play the Broncos.

-The Eagles are currently removing any handicap access to any of their facilities to cut costs, though it may be argued that removing already built ramps and elevators would cost more money.

-The final home game will culminate the season in an event called “Fuck The Fans”, where there will be no tailgating or parking within 10 miles of the stadium.  Fans will also be forced to buy a $300 set of commemorative plates with Joe Banner’s face on them to gain entry to the stadium.

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