Archive for July, 2009

Holmgren not done yet, signs MC Hammer, actual hammer, song Sledgehammer

July 10, 2009

Last night, Flyers’ GM Paul Holmgren pulled off a blockbuster trade to land 34-year-old All Star Chris Pronger from Anahaeim.

“I made it sort of clear myself, I wanted to get a hammer, a guy who makes life miserable for the other team. Chris is one of those guys,” Holmgren said.

But Holmgren vowed that this was just the start of strengthening his defense.  He followed through with a flurry of activity after the Pronger acquisition.

Look out Malkin!

Look out Malkin!

Feeling that they need yet another “hammer” to regulate young, talented Eastern Conference foes the Flyers also signed MC Hammer.  MC will gladly take the paycheck though he has never skated in his life.  Holmgren then announced that the Flyers had traded Danny Briere for an actual hammer and Simon Gagne for the Peter Gabriel song “Sledgehammer.”

The actual hammer will be holding a press conference tomorrow.

When asked if the hammer possessed magical powers or any level of skill, Holmgren replied, “Look, it’s a hammer, that’s what I said I wanted.  Worst case scenario, it’s faster than Hatcher.”

No word on whether the claymation version of Peter Gabriel with the sledgehammer hands or the dancing chickens were included in the deal.

The Flyers are also now actively trying to lure Scott Stevens out of retirement to play alongside the Hammer Brothers, the hammer throwing turtles from Super Mario.

Friday Afternoon Pooch Punter

July 10, 2009

It’s time to turn things over to our Reno Mahe Deportes correspondent Pedro Rey for his weekly musings on sports and the world in general in this week’s Friday Afternoon Pooch Punter.

Pedro Rey

Pedro Rey

Hola Reno Mahe readers!   Let’s get to trabajo!

Here’s what I think this week:

– I recently caught the film Cast Away on TBS, boy that Tom Hanks sure can act.  Get that man an Oscar!

-The world lost a warrior this week with the tragic death of Steve McNair.  Thankfully we still have Brett Favre, the man epitomizes football, the South, gunslinging, fiery competitiveness and the art of the perfect interception.

-Brett Favre might just play football this year.  In Miami?  This isn’t even a rumor, just wanted to throw it out there.  I think he’d thrive in warm weather like a lizard.

-The Sox better not got too comfortable, they play in a very difficult division in baseball.

-I don’t get the X Games.

-There is much traffic in the Northeastern United States.

-Gran Torino is the best movie that came out last year starring Clint Eastwood.

-Gran Torino would have been the best movie ever made if it was written by Paul Haggis.

-Football on the moon?

-Some brands of coffee taste good every now and then.

That’s all for this week amigos!

I’ll be having a tweet up tomorrow at the Spencer’s in the Paramus Park Mall.

Adios!

The Rumor Mill, It’s a Churning

July 9, 2009
Halladay for Kendrick, Park, Taguchi, and Bruntlett??

Halladay for Kendrick, Park, Taguchi, and Bruntlett??

Step right up and get your hopes squashed! Get ready folks to get your hopes sky high through July 31st, as the MLB trade deadline quickly approaches.  You can certainly bet that your own Philadelphia Phillies will be leading the pack for potential trade scuttlebut for the next 22 days.  Heck, it’s already started with Roy Halladay, whose name sounds like he’s from a 1950s Western.   At best, the chances of Roy Halladay being on the mound for the Phillies is remote at best.  I am not a believer in the odds that have been put out there by Buster Olney of ESPN.  I, for one, am not going to get my too excited at this point.  There are so many reasons why this trade won’t happen, so here goes:

1)Roy Halladay would have to waive his no-trade clause AND most likely get an extension from the Phillies on his contract which ends after next year.  It has been rumored that at 32 years old, he is looking for a 4-5 year extension in the $1oo million range.  The Phillies don’t believe in deals longer than 3 years for pitchers, and it’s turned out to be a smart business practice.

2) The Phillies have a couple of really good prospects in the minors, but their minor leagues system would surely be depleted if the trade occurred.  As we’ve recently with the injuries to Ibanez and no real right-handed bat off the bench, the Phils have no position players waiting in the wings in the immediate future.  How else can you explain Eric Bruntlett still being part of the team.   Where have you gone  Tad Iguchi? Doug Glanville? Wes Chamberlain?  In addition, although they have a few top prospects, there is no depth down on the farm. 

3) The Phillies don’t have anyone on their current major league roster they would or could trade.  The prime example here is J.A. Happ.  I would not include Happ in the trade.  He’s been the Phillies best pitcher since they put him back in the rotation.   Many people in and around the organization look at him as the 2nd coming of Kyle Kendrick.  I think that’s harsh.  Kendrick couldn’t strike me out if we were playing whiffle ball on a windy day at Wildwood Crest.  Happ isn’t dominant, but he’s smart, changes speeds well, has a deceptive delivery, and can strike Major League hitters out.  This is why Toronto would want him involved in the trade, but exactly why i wouldn’t trade him. 

4) With all that being said, other teams just have deeper farm systems and can offer better packages. For example, Boston can headline any offer with Clay Bucholz, who is like 50-1 in the minors this year and, oh by the way, has already thrown a no-hitter for the Red Sox.  Another example is Angels, who can offer Jared Weaver.  Both of these guys are currently better than Happ.  On top of that, i don’t want to trade Happ.

So, to any fairweather Phillies fans out there, and there are an awful lot of you after the World Series win, please stop with your ridiculous trade packages for Halladay.  The next time I see a comment posted on Philly.com that says, “Hey, how about Kendrick, Donald, Baco, Bruntlett, and Milt Thompson for Halladay,”  I am not going to yell or scream.  I do solemnly pledge, that from today through July 31st, I will not read or listen to MLB trade rumors.  I will leave you with this:

If the Phillies could get Halladay for Dominic Brown, Joe Savery, Lou Marsen, John Mayberry, Jr, and Kyle Kendrick, than Rueben, you have my permission (I beg of you) to bring in Mr Halladay.  Maybe Toronto could throw in a right-handed bat off the bench too for that price tag.