Archive for August, 2009

BREAKING NEWS – MACLIN SIGNS!

August 4, 2009
Actual photo taken minutes ago, no word if this condition is permanent

Actual photo taken minutes ago, no word if this condition is permanent

The impasse has finally ended and Jeremy Maclin will start making up for lost time at training camp tomorrow barring any catastrophe (Flight Night II?).

We’ve just read the terms of the contract and I hope you look at the computer sitting down because you are about to read the most substantial amount of dollars that any human has made for playing a sport professionally:

$15.5 million.

For.

5.

Years.

The greedy bastard won in the end.  Maclin completely devastated their salary cap.  The Eagles will most likely have to jettison the contracts of Brian Westbrook, DeSean Jackson, and Jon Dorenbos to be under.

Agents everywhere have called Jim Steiner to congratulate him on this historical negotiation.

Here’s hoping that Maclin will be able to catch a football with his gold-plated gloves and the custom helmet he is having constructed entirely of blood diamonds.