Bob Ford, American Humorist

by

FORD-sm1Move over Jeff Dunham, Inquirer sports reporter Bob Ford is busting out his comedy chops!

Ford’s comedic odyssey hit the internet earlier this afternoon on his Post Patterns blog.

Knowing the average Philadelphia sports fan is tired of generic old NFL power rankings, Ford decided to write his in the voice of the recently incarcerated Plaxico Burress.

Ford successfully strikes a delicate balance between creating something entirely devoid of jokes yet full of “blackspeak”.

Here’s a a sampler platter of our modern day Mark Twain and my attempt to dissect the layered humor:

2. Pittsburgh Steelers — Lost to the Bears, but it’ll be a while before they lose again. Like Week 12 in Baltimore? Hope I got TV privileges for that one.

-Plaxico Burress’s main concern will be watching Steelers games while in prison, not his pregnant wife or getting out of prison.

6. Indianapolis Colts — The dude that waves his hands around caught up with some cat named Unitas. Beats me, too.

-Why would Plaxico Burress have heard of Johnny Unitas?  He was probably too busy shooting himself and being black.

10. Minnesota Vikings — Give the ball to Purple Jesus and get out of the damn way.
-Did Adrian Peterson start a cult?  Someone should tell the government, if they up take arms, this could have a tragic ending.

13. New York Jets — J-E-T-S, Jets. I might beleive, but not quite Y-E-T, yet.
-Get this man a Pulitzer.

15. Houston Texans — All gun, no bullets, as we say in the club.

-No one has ever said this in the history of clubs.

16. Green Bay Packers — Cheese puffs. I just see me some Cheese puffs

-Notice the employment of the informal “me”, what an ear for dialogue.

28. Tampa Bay Bucs — Guess Grudoggie Dog wasn’t the problem, check?

-Is this a Snoop Dogg reference?  Check?

32. St. Louis Rams — Can’t score in women’s prison with a pack of cigarettes.

-Women fuck each other for cigarettes in prison

Bob might want to team up with Joe Conklin and record a funny song.  May I suggest “Plaxy’s Got A Gun”, sign Steven Tyler up, he’s also unintentionally hilarious.

plax tom wolfe

Check back next week for Ford’s satire of the Donte Stallworth murder.

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