Posts Tagged ‘eagles’

Stephen A. Smith Yell-Writes Again

March 25, 2010

I opened the internet papers (or I-papes) this morning to see if there were any updates on the rumored McNabb trade and found the latest Stephen A. diatribe.   If you don’t want to damage your eyes/ears by reading it, Stephen thinks the Eagles treatment of McNabb has been “disgraceful.”

Smith says, “It’s fine that the Eagles are contemplating moving on. But McNabb’s failures are connected at the hip with Reid’s. They were supposed to be in this together. But the way the Eagles have conducted this process lacks so much sensitivity, it’s offensive to hear Reid say, “We’re evaluating things,” as if Reid shouldn’t evaluate himself.

Of course Reid should evaluate himself and his well documented deficiencies but after receiving a contract extension, Reid ain’t going to fire himself.  Per Smith, Reid and McNabb should The Hours-style Virginia Woolf themselves together (translation: put large rocks in their pockets and sink into a river, preferably while not knowing how much time is left in a game).

The irony of the situation is the Eagles may have shot themselves in the foot by overvaluing all their quarterbacks, including McNabb.

But not according to Smith:

Instead, they are considering throwing McNabb and his 32,873 career passing yards out like trash.

Word has it Reid is  going to throw over 30,000 yards of twine into a garbage can to symbolize McNabb’s failure. 

McNabb has not been perfect, to be sure. Too many throws have been too low, too high or too hard. He hasn’t always come through under pressure. But there’s something to be said for getting the Eagles in position, for keeping them relevant, for being class personified along the way.

So Smith admits McNabb’s flaws but demands the Eagles not trade him because he’s won several “relevant” and “classy guy” awards for the organization.  McNabb by all accounts seems like a decent human and there’s no grave dancing here if he’s traded but he’s had over ten years to accomplish something he didn’t.

It’s unconscionable, classless, weak – and too ridiculous for McNabb to deal with any longer.

It is indeed unconscionable to trade a quarterback in the NFL, it’s literally never happened before.   McNabb should be quarterback for life.  His good guy-ness should allow him to start until he chooses to retire or dies, Supreme Court style.

Breaking-er News: Eagles Fire People

January 14, 2010

Earlier today, the Eagles announced the firing of special teams coordinator Ted Daisher and strength and conditioning coach Mike Wolf.

After an underwhelming year and a carousel of kick returners, this isn’t shocking.  Reid seemed visibly pissed in the regular season finale when the special teams had to burn a time out for not having enough men on the field, thus marking the first time in NFL history the Eagles were unprepared and to burn a timeout (scientific fact).

Hopefully this ushers in a new era of accountability (for everyone besides Reid).

Daisher will be replaced by Buffalo special teams coordinator Bobby April.  Buffalo has had very good special teams the past few years and with a name like Bobby April, we can only assume he is either a cartoon gangster or cast member of Jersey Boys.

If Sav Rocca isn't more consistent, he'll be sleeping with fishes...on the bench, assuming they have fish on the bench and Sav Rocca is allowed to sleep on the sidelines

EAGLES’ FRONT OFFICE DISREGARDS HUMAN BEINGS, THIS IS NOT NEWS

March 9, 2009
Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place.  Need to start over!

Forty million, one hundred thousand and twenty five cents, twenty six cents, oops I lost my place. Need to start over, this is a lot of pennies!

Though seemingly unconcerned, the Eagles organization has had its share of bad publicity over the past few weeks.  By letting fan favorite Brian Dawkins become a Bronco, the front office faced a deluge of animosity.  The anger hasn’t quite subsided but  the team made an effort to address their loss with the signing of Sean Jones.  However, ” gonzo journalist” John Gonzalez dropped another bombshell this morning when his story about a handicapped former stadium employee hit the presses.

Long story short: Dan Leone worked at the Linc, wasn’t happy with the Dawkins deal and posted “Dan is [expletive] devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver. . .Dam Eagles R Retarted!!” on facebook, management saw it and fired him.  Though you can argue the legitimacy behind Dan Leone’s (who suffers from a neurological disorder) termination, it was just another chapter in the Eagles’ “We don’t care how bad this makes us look” attitude.  The argument can be made that an employee should know better than to badmouth their employer in a public forum, the argument can also be made that a professional football team should have higher priorities than scanning a low level employee’s facebook pages.

We recovered an internal memo from the Eagles’ PR team and found these other shocking decisions:

-The Eagles first home game will be a “Salary Cap Celebration” and children under 14 will receive 40 complimentary bottle caps, representing the millions of dollars the Eagles have remained under the cap.

-The Eagles will actually burn an effigy of Brian Dawkins on the 50 yard line right before the Eagles play the Broncos.

-The Eagles are currently removing any handicap access to any of their facilities to cut costs, though it may be argued that removing already built ramps and elevators would cost more money.

-The final home game will culminate the season in an event called “Fuck The Fans”, where there will be no tailgating or parking within 10 miles of the stadium.  Fans will also be forced to buy a $300 set of commemorative plates with Joe Banner’s face on them to gain entry to the stadium.

Eagles D End Trent Cole Might Be Part Frog

December 8, 2008

Trent Cole came up with a huge special teams play yesterday when he was able to leap over the Giants line of scrimmage and block a 47 yard field goal attempt by John Carney.   The play was a remarkable display of athleticism and there have been several theories presented as to how Cole, a human being, was able to do this:

1. Trent Cole is Frog Suit Mario.

Photo taken as Cole leaps over Jay Alford

Photo taken as Cole leaped over Jay Alford

 2. The Eagles paid former Nittany Lion Lavar Arrington $50 to wear Trent Cole’s uniform for that particular play because he’s excellent at leaping over lineman and being constantly injured. 

3. Jay Alford and Trent Cole are working on a vaudeville routine together under the working title “Jay’s Out Cole.”  

Video evidence:

Eagles Safety Considine Accidentally Plays with Starters

November 24, 2008
A play unfolds several yards downfield as Considine tackles air

A play unfolds several yards downfield as Considine tackles air

Philadelphia Eagles special teams stalwart Sean Considine shocked the crowd at M & T Bank Stadium when he was on the field during a crucial goal line stand.

Considine was just as surprised as the fans, saying “When Coach Johnson told me to get in there, I thought we were down by way more than three points.”

Sean performed as expected and allowed Raven’s rookie Joe Flacco to throw a touchdown to Daniel Wilcox when he kind of fell on the ground.

When asked about losing his balance in the most futile displays of defense, Considine replied, “I just went out there and did my job.  Coach Reid keeps me on this roster to go out there and allow the big play and I did just that.  There is no way I’d start on another NFL team and I am thankful to be here.”

The Eagles front office is also sending tape of Considine’s later hit to the head of Flacco that went unpenalized to Commissioner Goodell.

Jim Johnson had this to say: “We just want to make sure that we as an organization are doing our part to stay in the basement of the NFC East.”