Posts Tagged ‘mets’

Mets Already Talking

February 19, 2010

Mets ace Johan Santana fired the first salvo of the 2010 season yesterday.

When asked to name the best pitcher in the NL East, he replied, “Santana.”

Santana continued, “Smooth is perfect, Roy Halladay wishes he could write such an infectious pop song.”

Johan was undeterred after learning the Mets hadn’t actually signed Carlos Santana. He resumed listening to Smooth on his Microsoft Zune and then tore his rotator cuff and larynx viciously playing air guitar and screaming the lyrics.

The Mets’ anthem:

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Mets Not Dead Yet

January 22, 2010

The Mets lost the Joel Pineiro sweepstakes but are still determined to remain slightly competitive.

Following Carlos Beltran’s super secret, possibly illegal surgery, the Mets were stuck with Angel Pagan in center and realized that might not be a great idea.  The Wilpons, desperate to have another past his prime player, shocked no one when they signed Gary Matthews Jr. earlier today.

The Angels even agreed to pay “most of the two years and $23 million remaining on Matthews’ contract with the Angels.”

Expect the Mets to sign Matthews to a 6 year $114 million extension.

Don't bury them just yet, Jim Edmonds is still out there!

Phillies = Mets (For Now)

June 26, 2009

For at least the last two weeks, the tables have turned.

Though clinging to a half game lead, the Phillies have become painful to watch.  It used to be that you could count them in every game until they decided to start phoning it in.  And you couldn’t blame J-Roll for this one.  Charlie decided to bench Rollins and led off with Victorino who provided a listless 0-4 at the top of the order.

In true Mets fashion, a night after Rollins forgot how slow Pat Burrell was after watching him attempt to run for over a decade, Pedro Feliz picked up the mental lapse slack and “forgot how many outs there were.”

Oh and let’s make another deal, Matt Stairs never plays in the field again.  Ever.

On the other hand up in Flushing, a scrappy bunch of nobodies missing the majority of their best players took two from the Cardinals and head into this weekend’s subway series with a little bit of momentum.  The David Wright & Random Bunch of Latin Players I’ve Never Heard Of Show refuses to go away in what should have been a great opportunity for the Phils to leave the Mets in their rearview.  At this point, I expect the Mets to sign Miguel Cairo by next weekend and he’ll hit at least two walk offs.

Not having Ibaenez in the order doesn’t exactly equate with missing Reyes, Delgado, and Beltran.   I can go on a tirade about how each player is overrated but how would the Phillies be without Ibaenez, Howard AND Utley?  I don’t think the Eric Bruntlett/Greg Dobbs duo would strike fear in opposing pitchers/hit above .3oo combined.

Rheal "Tachner"

Rheal "Taschner"

With a starting rotation consisting of two and a half legitimate starters at the moment, could be a good time for Amaro to get some help or call up Drabek.  Also if starters can’t make it out of the third inning, they should be replaced by pitching machines through the sixth inning.  It would give the bullpen a rest and maybe the pitching machine could have an ERA under 7.

Admittedly, this could just be the typical Phillies slump but this hurts worse than normal.  Lidge is back (who knows what condition he’s in) and Eyre should be off the DL shortly so we can end the Tachsner horror show.  Could someone check medical records to make sure Taschner isn’t actually Rheal Cormier using an alias?

For now we can go back to hoping Luis Castillo drops several pop ups this weekend.  And oh yea, the Marlins are a game behind, nothing to worry about there……

The Phillies usually play their best with their backs against the wall so maybe they should just forfeit the next week and come back 5 games behind, hungry and ready to play baseball properly.

ALL IS WRIGHT WITH TEAM USA AS THEY ADVANCE IN TOURNAMENT NOBODY CARES ABOUT

March 18, 2009
Take that Puerto Rico!

Take that Puerto Rico!

There’s allegedly some kind of tournament happening right now where, get this, countries are competing against each other with baseball teams?

Our confusion can be excused considering this “World Baseball Classic” has nothing to do with the Olympics and was randomly created in 2006.  The WBC is as ingrained in our global society as other great tournaments like Slamball,  Battle Bots, and the XFL.

Unfortunately, Met’s third baseman David Wright is not in on the joke.  Wright helped the US oust Puerto Rico last night with a 9th inning single that drove in two runs.  Wright’s heroics were not lost on himself, when he called it the “biggest hit of my career.”

Wright is known for making other absurd statements throughout his life, like the time he called Clocks by Coldplay the “best song of the 21st century” even though the song was released in 2002 and Wright also referred to Independance Day as the “best fucking movie I’ll ever see” when he was 13.

Wright also called an Arby’s roast beef sandwich he had for lunch the “best food any human has ever eaten” yesterday.