Posts Tagged ‘mlb’

Stephen A. Manufactures Racism

June 11, 2010

Stephen A. continues to tarnish his legacy (?) of being an inoffensive, slightly amusing blowhard with his latest column.

Here’s a quick synopsis: The Washington Nationals’ first overall pick and uber prospect Bryce Harper, his parents, and white athletes get a free pass when they decide to bypass college to become a professional athlete. Black athletes like Lebron, Kobe, and Kevin Garnett are vilified for doing the same.

I definitely remember the time white Americans rioted when Kobe Bryant entered the draft out of high school. What a black eye/definitely racist moment in our nation’s history.

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Phillies Watch Gran Tarino, Are Terrible

June 3, 2010

The Phillies are in the middle of a horrendous tailspin and don’t seem very concerned about it.

Hours before yesterday’s loss to Atlanta, Charlie Manuel found his team watching Gran Torino.

“What the hell?” Manuel said. “We should be getting ready for the damn game.”

Manuel then added, “Let’s at least watch Unforgiven or something.  If I wanted a morality tale, I’d go to church. I bet they loved Crash too, especially Dobbs.  He seems stupid.”

Mets Not Dead Yet

January 22, 2010

The Mets lost the Joel Pineiro sweepstakes but are still determined to remain slightly competitive.

Following Carlos Beltran’s super secret, possibly illegal surgery, the Mets were stuck with Angel Pagan in center and realized that might not be a great idea.  The Wilpons, desperate to have another past his prime player, shocked no one when they signed Gary Matthews Jr. earlier today.

The Angels even agreed to pay “most of the two years and $23 million remaining on Matthews’ contract with the Angels.”

Expect the Mets to sign Matthews to a 6 year $114 million extension.

Don't bury them just yet, Jim Edmonds is still out there!

Phillies Sign Brandon Duckworth To Minor League Dry Wall Contract

January 19, 2010

The Phillies signed former starting pitcher Brandon Duckworth to a minor-league contract last week.

Duckworth hasn’t pitched in the majors since 2008.  He will provide minor league depth and also lend a hand in renovating the Amaro’s  vacation home in Naples, Florida.

When reached for comment, Duckworth said, “I just wanted to play and spackle for a winner.”

Duckworth could be an invaluable veteran presence in the minors and comes much cheaper than local Florida contractors.

Duckworth is thrilled to strike out a pest infestation in the Amaro home

Lidge “Upbeat After Surgery”

January 14, 2010

Breaking news: Brad Lidge’s agent Rex Gary (a real person)  reports Brad is very upbeat after his recent knee surgery.

Good to know Lidge is not depressed after surgery or dead.

Also thank you Brad Lidge for not getting super secret Carlos Beltran surgery.

Besides, pitcher’s don’t throw with their knees, I’m sure this nagging injury won’t raise his ERA a point above 7.21 next year……

Lidge elated to get multiple knee surgeries

Phillies = Mets (For Now)

June 26, 2009

For at least the last two weeks, the tables have turned.

Though clinging to a half game lead, the Phillies have become painful to watch.  It used to be that you could count them in every game until they decided to start phoning it in.  And you couldn’t blame J-Roll for this one.  Charlie decided to bench Rollins and led off with Victorino who provided a listless 0-4 at the top of the order.

In true Mets fashion, a night after Rollins forgot how slow Pat Burrell was after watching him attempt to run for over a decade, Pedro Feliz picked up the mental lapse slack and “forgot how many outs there were.”

Oh and let’s make another deal, Matt Stairs never plays in the field again.  Ever.

On the other hand up in Flushing, a scrappy bunch of nobodies missing the majority of their best players took two from the Cardinals and head into this weekend’s subway series with a little bit of momentum.  The David Wright & Random Bunch of Latin Players I’ve Never Heard Of Show refuses to go away in what should have been a great opportunity for the Phils to leave the Mets in their rearview.  At this point, I expect the Mets to sign Miguel Cairo by next weekend and he’ll hit at least two walk offs.

Not having Ibaenez in the order doesn’t exactly equate with missing Reyes, Delgado, and Beltran.   I can go on a tirade about how each player is overrated but how would the Phillies be without Ibaenez, Howard AND Utley?  I don’t think the Eric Bruntlett/Greg Dobbs duo would strike fear in opposing pitchers/hit above .3oo combined.

Rheal "Tachner"

Rheal "Taschner"

With a starting rotation consisting of two and a half legitimate starters at the moment, could be a good time for Amaro to get some help or call up Drabek.  Also if starters can’t make it out of the third inning, they should be replaced by pitching machines through the sixth inning.  It would give the bullpen a rest and maybe the pitching machine could have an ERA under 7.

Admittedly, this could just be the typical Phillies slump but this hurts worse than normal.  Lidge is back (who knows what condition he’s in) and Eyre should be off the DL shortly so we can end the Tachsner horror show.  Could someone check medical records to make sure Taschner isn’t actually Rheal Cormier using an alias?

For now we can go back to hoping Luis Castillo drops several pop ups this weekend.  And oh yea, the Marlins are a game behind, nothing to worry about there……

The Phillies usually play their best with their backs against the wall so maybe they should just forfeit the next week and come back 5 games behind, hungry and ready to play baseball properly.

Rollins Spots Rays First Out A Day Before Game

June 25, 2009
Jimmy will be performing with his Dru Hill tribute band tomorrow instead of batting

Jimmy will be performing with his Dru Hill tribute band tomorrow instead of batting

Jimmy Rollins has already agreed to spot Rays’ starter Andy Sonnanstine the first out in tomorrow’s rubber match.

When asked how this should be reflected in the box score Rollins said, “I popped out.”

Rollins then went on to say, “Might as well put me down for an error in the, let’s say 6th inning.  I’m going to throw my glove at a fly ball.”

When asked whether he would further stand Rollins’ insubordination, Charlie Manuel said, “Jimmy’s being honest.  There’s no way he’s getting on base tomorrow.  As long as he get to the game on time and at least jogs when he pops out, my hands are tied.”

Manuel was asked what Rollins would need to do to be moved out of lead off spot.

After thinking long and hard, Charlie said, “Jimmy would  have to literally murder Chase Utley.”

And with no further explanation, Manuel returned to blowing on a jug with the rest of his Country Bears.

Manuel tries to explain to Christopher Walken why he won't leadoff with Victorino

Manuel tries to explain to Christopher Walken why he won't leadoff with Victorino